October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month. A nonprofit near and dear to my heart, Untold Stories, held their annual “Wave of Light” rememberance 5k on Sunday. I attended for the first time as I haven’t felt “ready” in past years. I had the honor of getting to read a poem of mine just before the candle lighting ceremony. I am proud of myself for being vulnerable and brave enough to read it in front of a crowd. I am especially glad that my words got to touch others. For anyone reading this poem who has also experienced a loss, this is for you. For those lucky enough not to be a part of that group, may this poem enlighten you and teach you the power of carefully chosen words. Here is my poem:
Unintended Words
In my darkest days
These words were uttered to me
I’m sorry for your loss but
It just wasn’t meant to be
At least you can get pregnant
There is always next time
You are young and have many
Years before your biological clock will chime
At least your loss was early
It’s better that way
It only would have been worse
The longer your baby stayed
25% of pregnancies miscarry
They aren’t really a big deal
Those words contradict
All the ways I feel
Something must have been wrong
Your body just did its job
You wouldn’t have wanted to be
A special needs mom
Did you eat or drink this
Have you been checked for that
Don’t feed the guilt inside me
That already pesters like a gnat
My friend’s neighbor’s sister
Had a loss too
She now has 3 kids
So I’m sure you will too
God has a bigger plan
He needed your baby more
How could that be true
When a baby is all I’ve been praying for
Please don’t say “at least,”
“It’s for the best” or “on the bright side”
These unintended cruel words,
We just can’t let slide
So today I say the right thing
What all of US wanted to hear
I am sorry that you lost
Something so precious and dear
No matter when, where,
Or how long they stayed
Your baby matters and
Will be honored each day
Whether in a gentle breeze,
A twinkle in the sky,
Through each breath you take,
Or tear you cry
Through this act of love,
Remembered today
They are here with US
And in our hearts they will stay
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