Green Eyed Monster

Oh, the Green Eyed Monster is a wicked beast. It is much more complex than envy alone. Hidden beneath that exterior layer is pain, pity, self loathing, and anger. We are taught that feeling this way is wrong. It’s even labeled as one of the 7 deadly sins, so an additional layer of guilt and shame is discovered as if the envy alone isn’t enough discomfort!

How do we tame the beast? Ignoring, unfortunately, is not the answer. Denial just amplifies the strength of the monster, but doing the opposite and freely expressing your jealousy through passive aggressive (and maybe not so passive) actions and words isn’t going to fix it either. If anything, it would only add further guilt or shame. So what is the perfect happy medium? How can it be acknowledged in a positive and healing manner? Well, I am here to tell you… I don’t have the answer.

I wish that I had the perfect answer or magic solution to overcoming that Green Eyed Monster. It has reared its ugly head in my mind and heart this week with a particularly difficult and unexpected pregnancy announcement. I’ve experienced many others, but none like this. The fiend is ferociously roaring inside me and all I have the power to do is listen to it. I can hear what it has to say. If listening to its agony causes me to cry, then I’ll cry. If I find my fists and jaw clenched, I can go punch a pillow. Even when the monster feels parasitic, feeding off my pain and sucking hope out of me, I can hear it’s small whisper, reaching out and asking for help. I can find support for it in my husband, family, and friends.

For so long, I’ve tried to conquer this monster on my own, but there is no need! Infertility is a BATTLE. Rally the troops! Lean on your support squad because no one should have to fight a monster alone, especially the one with green eyes that lives inside of us all.