I am sure everyone is familiar with the concept of "the ripple effect." It is often mentioned in terms of small acts of kindness. One kind deed, no matter how small, can spread and grow and have greater positive effects than we know. I want to think today about the ripple effect through the lens of infertility.
Ripples come in all shapes and sizes. They can be caused by a tiny drop of water or single stone of any size. There isn't a start or end to the ripples. They happen and exist at the same moment impacting each other. I believe the ripples not only differ in size, but also in "charge" meaning they can be positive or negative. The hope at the end of each day is that the positive waves over power the negative.
When traveling an infertility journey, one of the challenges is that those negative ripples are constant. It's like Chinese water torture! There is a drip, drip, drip at every moment of the day similar to the grains of sand in our biological clock's hourglass that keep falling. What causes the constant drip? All those small thoughts that circle our minds daily. Why? When? If? How? Everything! Small drips can't be ignored, but they can be managed. The everyday positive ripples caused by things like making the green light or someone holding the door for you, that can be enough to combat that leaky faucet.
However, what happens when not just a pebble is tossed in the water, but a boulder?! They come in the form of a doctor calling with bad news or negative test results. They can be in the form of a friend getting pregnant, an anniversary of a difficult date, or even that damn spam email for diapers that you have unsubscribed to multiple times showing up again. Sometimes it is cumulative. All the small things add up to a big thing. Regardless of the cause, big waves hit, sometimes even tsunamis. No amount of green lights on your commute can lessen that blow. So what do you do?
Drowning is not the only option! Though there are moments when it absolutely feels that way. Instead, you have to seek more positive ripples. It may not be possible to neutralize the charge of all the ripples and waves making it 50:50, but maybe you could make it 80:20 or even 99:1. Isn't that better than 100:0? How do you find those positive ripples when you can't get out of bed or even contemplate making some kind of choice? Lean on your support system. Have a "plan" for when hard days happen. Does your husband need to make a McFlurry run (that's our go to)? Does your BFF need to send you cute puppy videos? Maybe you have a few go to movies or tv shows that provide some comedic relief or simply comfort (I lean toward Disney classics or episodes of The Office). Prepping for the storm makes riding it out a bit less hard. Not easy. Never easy, but less hard.
So to anyone going through this now, I'm sorry that there isn't a better solution to the never ceasing negative ripples. I hope you have more positive or even neutral days ahead. On the days where that not is the case, make a splash! Take control of what you can and get at least on positive drop before the day ends. It can make all the difference.
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