How are air and reproduction alike?

Think way back to that psychology class you took in high school or college. You probably recognize the name "Maslow," but don't remember much about him. I studied him in some of my education classes too, but it wasn't until last week that I found a connection between his work and infertility.

Teachers are life long learners. We are always taking courses to maintain our certification. Recently, I signed up for a stress management course. Who couldn't benefit from a little help in the stress department?! Plus it will help me with my students because even 8 year olds have stressors in their lives. Well, this first week's lesson was all about Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. The thought is that one must have the foundational needs before moving up the pyramid. Take a moment to look at that pyramid as the very base.

That's right! "Reproduction" is listed as one of the most basic psychological needs of a human right along with AIR! These past few years, I have been so hard on myself saying that I was overexagerating my emotional pain or feeling like I just needed to get over it. Now I realize why I haven't been able to just "ignore and move on." It is a basic psychological need that my body is not able to meet right now.

As a teacher, I have learned that students' psychological and safety needs need to be met before we can expect them to meet the academic demands of school. We teach social emotional lessons as part of our curriculum, have counselors available, and, honestly, become counselors ourselves. When students aren't getting their needs met at home, we do all we can to change that. We also give love and grace as they navigate school. I am happy to do this everyday because I love my students and would do anything for their well being.

How does this work for the teachers though? Or any adult in the workplace! If there was food or clothing insecurity, staff would band together and do a drive or collection. Resources are available in the community. Thinking about infertility though, there isn't a collection drive for that! Knowing that this is a fundamental need, on the same level as air, food, and water, what can be done to support working women (and men) going through fertility struggles?!

I wish I had a solution to all this, but I don't. I'm pretty open about my experiences, but most of my colleagues are unaware. Regardless of what is going on in my personal life, I go to work and put my happy face "mask" on and continue on. For me, I felt I had to let my closest coworkers know what is going on because of absences and the emotional toll. I am glad I did because they are an extra support system. I'm very fortunate in that aspect. In tougher times, they are more than happy to step in and help out in anyway they can.

The student side of things is different though. I spend the day taking care of 20-30 children that belong to someone else all the while wondering if I'll ever have a 3rd grader of my own one day. Infertility is cruel in this way, especially as an educator. You can't avoid thoughts of motherhood when your surrounded by children- that thing you want most. You also can't "let it show" and be transparent with students either, nor do I want to. It's just another complicated component to this all.

So all in all, give yourself grace. Give anyone you know going through infertility some compassion. Your/their desire to be a parent is not just some "dream." It is one of the most basic psychological needs of all human beings. Your pain and longing is beyond valid. Your body and mind can't live without air. You can't function without sleep. You have the right to reproduction, family, parenthood.