A Sense of Humor as Summer Ends

As a teacher, the last days of summer vacation always bring some feelings of anxiousness and unease. Not only will summer break end and bring back an alarm clock, but there is a lot of uncertainty. What will my class be like? Will their parents be supportive? Will the curriculum have changed too much? So those last few days of summer, I try to fill them with a mix of relaxation and keeping busy.

So one day, I decided to go to shopping at Walmart. I could get my grocery shopping done, look at pajamas, snag some school supplies, and maybe some other trinkets. I enjoy walking through the aisles on my own and taking my time. I walked past the baby section with that longing feeling I always get. Some days I just walk past, but on this day, I decided to look. I will be a first time aunt soon and I have yet to buy anything for my future nephew. This is VERY unlike me. I love buying baby gifts, but have struggled doing so the past few years. I decided to push that aside though and get him some outfits and toys. As much as I wanted to put a few of the little clothes in the cart for myself (the soft pink Disney castle onesie and Hogwarts overalls were calling my name), I chose things especially for my nephew.

I enjoyed getting to put the little items in my cart knowing that I’d get to see a baby actually wear them. Part of me still had small pangs in my heart. The weight of a decision I need to make about moving forward on our fertility journey has been weighing HEAVILY on my mind and heart. As I was going through the toy aisles, I saw a Magic 8 Ball. I figured, “What the hell,” and decided to ask: “Should I transfer one of our embryos into MY body?” And what did the ball say? “Reply Hazy- Try Again.” I just laughed! “Hazy” indeed! I laughed out loud in the aisle even though there were people nearby. To be clear, I wasn’t going to base my decision on a toy’s response, but at this point, flipping a coin might just be easier.

Pressure. Being the one to have to make these decisions that dictate our future is SO much pressure. Is there a way to remove or even just lessen that stress? Perhaps allowing myself to laugh at all the little moments that pop up is one way to hit the release valve.