Advocate

I am honored to be writing the "Fertility Friday" posts for Untold Stories. When I was asked if I was interested, my first though was YES! If my experience can help just one person going through something similar, it'd be worth it. My second thought was immediately that my first post would be about advocacy.

I have never been the kind of person who is comfortable with speaking up or going against what was advised. If someone ever told me "no," I accepted it and moved forward. Trying to conceive started to change this about me. From the moment my husband and I started trying, as naïve as we both were as to what was ahead of us, I knew something was not quite right. During our 3rd month of trying I had a period that lasted over 20 days and said enough was enough. I made an appointment at my gynecologist. They said my body was probably just trying to regulate itself after being on birth control for years and not to worry. I accepted this begrudgingly and we kept trying.

Every month was difficult. We used ovulation test strips and each month had either no positive days or a month with multiple non consecutive positive days. I continued to bleed abnormally and it was just disheartening. Miraculously though, we conceived naturally in August 2021. From the moment I took the pregnancy test and it was positive, my gut told me something was wrong because I was spotting. I went to the doctor and they did bloodwork and told me things would most likely be fine. A few days later and another blood test later, we found out things were absolutely NOT fine. We lost our baby at around 5-6 weeks.

This shattered my innocence. Trying to conceive and pregnancy was forever tainted. I could not just accept that my doctor wanted me to keep trying because "miscarriages happen more often that you think" and "it most likely won't happen again." A fire burned inside of me. I could not accept that this happened by chance. My gut was screaming at me to do something. Though my doctor didn't think it was necessary, he went ahead and did a few tests at my many requests and found something: hyperprolactemia.

By not taking no for an answer, I got approval to go to Shady Grove Fertility. We did "medicated timed intercourse" and got pregnant on our second try in May 2022. Unfortunately, we lost our baby again at 5 weeks. I asked if we could do some sort of testing since a pattern was emerging. They said they usually do it after 3 losses. My initial response was to say ok, but that fire burned in me again. I politely demanded the blood work be done. It's of no harm to them anyway. Needless to say, something else was found: antiphospholipid syndrome (APS).

We continued TI and eventually IUI, but new symptoms were arising. First, I was no longer conceiving. Second, I was having new immense cramps that were even causing me to faint at times. I asked about endometriosis because I have a family history of it. My doctor said the best thing I could do if I had endo was to get pregnant. LOL! Why did I try that?! I didn't accept that answer and sought out an endo specialist. I had a hysteroscopy in Novemeber 2022 where they found and removed a polyp and laparoscopy surgery in April 2023 where they found and removed endometriosis. I felt so validated and was proud of myself for taking charge of my healthcare.

While I am still on my journey of infertility in the hopes of growing my family now through IVF, I would not be where I am today without advocating for myself. I am not a medical expert, nor am I practiced in the field of fertility treatments. I am however an expert on ME. I know my body and am the only one who can feel what I feel. To a doctor, even the best of them, you are just a patient. Statistics and odds won't apply to everyone, so speak out! If you feel something is not right, do something. What have you got to lose?