Showered with Love

The days, even hours, leading up to my baby shower were filled with awe. I’ve had the date on my calendar for months and I’ve gotten my outfit and such prepared, but it felt so abstract that the reality never really sank in. Even as I write this now, just hours after getting home from the celebration, it’s still surreal.

I have dreamed of what my baby shower would be like for years. What decor or theme would it be? I had different ideas for boy vs girl. When you lose a baby, let alone two, and go through years of struggling with infertility, the idea of dreaming of a shower seems like something impossible and way out of reach. Not only would I need to get pregnant to have one of those parties, but I’d have to keep the baby for months and months. I was constantly grappling with coming to terms with the fact that it just might not be in my stars.

Yet today came. The miracle of our girl was celebrated. I almost felt like an imposter as I opened all the gifts and held the little blankets or pajamas or bibs up high for everyone to see. I felt deep down like I could have stopped and cried at any moment.

I am just so very grateful to get to experience pregnancy. It is hard and a lot of times not fun, but it is such a blessing. If it weren’t for the giant baby bump, constant urge to pee, or the rolls, kicks, and elbows from our little lady, I think I still wouldn’t believe it. We went to a baby class through the obgyn just yesterday and one of the videos showed the “golden hour” after baby comes out and they get out on mom’s chest. I started crying! That will be me in a matter of weeks. It still doesn’t feel real.

Today came and the shower was beautiful. Filled with tutus, crowns, and all things princess. It was perfect and I felt so loved and special. So many people are thrilled for us and excited for our family to grow. Many of them have also watched the entirety of our journey and know what a miracle our little lady truly is. I can’t wait for her to be here.