Not OK

It is ok not to be ok. But it sucks not being ok.

Uncertainty is driving me mad! If I just had an end date, it'd be easier to face. How can I be expected to continue on with the rest of my life when this part stuck- out of reach? Time rolls on, careers continue, but my family doesn't grow. Others' grow, but not mine. It is a hard pill to swallow, a hard reality to face. I am chasing this dream and it has yet to come closer. It isn't even at my finger tips yet. How can time keep moving on? This isn't how it is supposed to be. My baby is forever gone and time no longer progresses. I hate not even knowing which pronoun to use! I feel like I am stuck there too, like a part of me can't move forward even though everything around me does. I have to keep pace with life, yet a piece of me can't. How does one move on? How can one hope for the future when what I really want is in the past and will never be? I am not ok. When will I be? Will I ever be truly on again?