IUI #2

I decided to try something different this cycle and not document every little symptom and feeling for each day. Why? Well, the past 6 cycles where I did didn't work out, so why not try this?! I am not superstitious (insert Michael Scott quote 😉), but at this point, I will try anything.

From the day of the IUI, I knew this cycle would fail too. I came down with an awful stomach virus on the day of the procedure and it lasted 5+ days. I was getting sick from both ends and was super dehydrated. Implantation was not going to happen in that violent environment. That doesn't mean that the head games wouldn't still happen during the TWW. I flip flopped what seemed like every few minutes thinking that I was pregnant then absolutely not.

I found out the results were negative at a very inopportune moment. It was the last day of school which usually is a very exciting day for teachers (and I guess the students too). After the students were dismissed and I did my happy dance in the hallway, my nurse called me. She said it was negative and that we could talk about IVF at the appointment I had scheduled as a back up that would take place in a week. After hanging up, I lost it. I cried. Hard. I felt defeated and was just so frustrated that it STILL wasn't our time. The icing on the cake though was that we had an end of year staff meeting in 10 minutes and during it we were celebrating 2 staff pregnancies. Yup! Two freaking baby showers, one for a little girls and the other for twins, just after hearing that I have failed yet again.

I tried to get it together the best I could. I know my face was red and splotchy, but what was I to do? I went in and sat off to the side and listened to the end of year speech along with congratulations for the happy mothers-to-be. Then I grabbed my piece of cake and went back to my classroom and proceeded to cry some more. Tricky thing about our school is that it is an open building. There are not walls or doors, just partitions. Zero privacy for situations like this. A few of my fellow third grade teachers came in to comfort me, but they could only do so much. I went out with other teachers to happy hour to celebrate the end of the year because, well, I could drink because I wasn't pregnant. I went home after and cried some more because now we have made it to this point. The point where IVF seems to be our only option at conceiving. I can't believe we are here.