IUI #1 Jan/Feb 2023

Day 4: I had my baseline appointment today and was approved to start taking letrozole again. I also had the "practice" IUI because I have been really nervous about the catheter. My experience with them passing through my cervix has been less than pleasant. I love this one nurse and she was so patient and gentle with me. It thankfully went smoothly. That is one less worry on my plate!

Day 5: Super intense cramps and a "bathroom episode" again. Instead of the episode happening at home, it happened at Walmart! It was terrifying. Michael couldn't come in the women's room with me so I just had him wait right at the door and I had my phone. Worse come to worse, he could come in.

Day 9: Today is Hawthorn's due date. I got another windchime and a very touching gift from my support group- a leather bracelet saying "I carry you with me." While I am sad and wishing life took a different avenue, I am ok today. I am just looking forward to the chances that IUI will give us.

Day 14: I had my IUI today. Yesterday I went in for monitoring and I had 3 follicles in range, but my lining was thin. The problem is that my LH was elevated indicating ovulation so I triggered and went in for my IUI this morning rather than 36 hours later. The actually IUI was not exactly comfortable, but it was manageable. It was a strong cramp feeling during the IUI and then I had some cramps for the rest of the day. I stayed home from work just in case. Michael and I also made a day of it. Between dropping off his "cup" and the actual procedure, we went to iHop and had a little brunch date. It was really nice to just have a moment of normalcy in between 2 awkward and "unnatural" baby making moments.

Day 29: While I had some minor symptoms during the TWW, I knew in my heart this wasn't our time. The test came back negative so we now have another decision to make. I HATE making decisions. I always envisioned hard decision coming AFTER the baby was born, not before it is even conceived! Do we go on to IUI #2 or seek endometriosis surgery? Will IUI be a waste is endo is present? Would it be unneeded suffering and a waste of insurance coverage? Is endo surgery even needed? Will it only push timelines further when maybe IUI #2 could work? I just don't know what is right. Is there a "right choice?" Maybe all I can do is make the "better" one. I just want someone to tell me what to do- a professional opinion or even a flip of a coin! I hate the pressure that goes on top of the rest. Pressure not to be broken. I am sick of holding back our lives.