May 21-25, 2022

SGF recommends not doing home pregnancy tests because they are not always accurate and can give false information. Well, I did because all of the symptoms were there: lower back, side stretching, nausea, increased urination, breast pain... My gut said I was pregnant. And I was right! I couldn't believe that it was finally positive again! I have dreamt so much of being able to have those surprise pregnancy reveals so I decided to keep the news to myself. The crazy this is that my dog knew! Finn kept wanting to be on my lap and he is NOT a lap dog! It felt like special secret and I would tell Michael the good news when I got my lab work back from SGF. The only flaw in that plan was that I started spotting on the morning of my appointment. All of the excitement and hope drained out of me. I also felt like I stole those 48 hours of happiness away from my husband. IUI

The nurse called me during my planning period at school and told me I was pregnant, but my HCG was only 65. She said that they usually want to see 100+, but that it is still possible to have a healthy pregnancy. She said it could be implantation bleeding, but only time will tell. I broke down as soon as I hung up. I went to a teammate's room and just cried in her arms. She covered my class when it was time for my students to come back and I went home. I called Michael and filled him in and he came home early too. All I could do was cry. Michael tried to bring some positivity to the situation, but I was not up for hearing it. I was so mad at myself. I let myself have hope and get excited. I am in such disbelief that that I am in this position again. I know it is not official yet, but it sure feels that way. Blood, cramps, lower than desired numbers. It just isn't real. It can't be. I can't lose two.

I stayed home from work the next 2 days because I was just a wreck. The bleeding slowed and I had a second "beta" appointment to check my numbers. What a rollercoaster ride! The numbers went up to 104! They increased 61%! The nurse said this was great news and that while doubling is expected, 60% is the minimum increase so I was ok. I don't think I'll feel safe though until my baby is in my arms, but I'll take this small win. I made it 2 more days. My baby made it 2 more days. 4.5 weeks down and only 36 more to go! My rainbow is on its way!