Baptismal Message

It is amazing to see how God’s plan for each of us unfolds. While I don’t always understand it in the moment and I question, doubt, or even feel resentment,  I know things happen for a reason. The sermon in church today was beautiful and truly hit home for me. As I held my miracle double rainbow baby in my arms waiting to have her baptized, listening to the pastor’s words and His, I was moved.

They spoke of experiencing struggle and pain, but finding purpose and hope in it. They also spoke of how in today’s world, we are so quick to judge and dismiss others, but we don’t stop to think about what they may be going through as well. We don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Everyone has something going on and empathy, compassion, and love are always the answer.

During our long and difficult journey to parenthood, to say it lightly, I struggled in every sense of the word; especially in faith. When I would lose pregnancies or embryos or receive more bad news, I had lost all hope and thought motherhood wasn’t in God’s plan for me. I know now that through that journey, God taught me so much about faith, hope, and trust. My daughter is such a blessing and true gift that helped bring hope back into my heart and life. That is why we chose Hope as her middle name. Her mere existence has reignited my trust in Him.

Also through these struggles, I’ve been able to help others as they navigate their own journeys of infertility and loss just as shared in today’s message. My pain has helped me find purpose and therefore some understanding, though I’m still learning to trust it in its entirety. It is no coincidence that this message in particular was shared on the day of my miracle’s baptism, which happens to also be the first day in “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness” week. Thanks to the grace of God, my daughter will one day meet Jesus Christ as well as all of her siblings.

While part of me wishes I could go back in time and tell my “past self” all these things and promise her that it will all turn out, though it would have saved her from a lot of tears, anguish, and hopelessness, I can now see this piece of the plan served a purpose. I’m not quite at the point where I can say I am glad for my experiences, but I am grateful for the outcome thus far. Those rough waters in which I was treading, just trying to keep my head above for so long, seemed to have calmed. Perhaps this isn’t the case, but rather a life raft in the form of faith, hope, and trust has been shown to me again. I have the strength to grab on to it and will teach my daughter to as well, just as I promised God as I watched the water pour over her head this morning. Life is hard and confusing, but it is so beautiful and joyous too.